Authenticity's Auto-Correcting Mechanism
Question: What is 'Authenticity's Auto-Correcting Mechanism'?
Answer: Us! (When we allow ourselves!)
I spontaneously picked Carl Roger's book 'On Becoming a Person' off my book shelf. It fell open on page 190/191. One paragraph particularly resonates with one of my last posts regarding authenticity, and the way in which it is auto-correcting.
Here is his message:
I would recommend person-centred (also known as client-centred) therapy. However I'm not saying it's a panacea that cures all. It is just a fantastic form of therapy for learning to become authentic.
I also feel mindfulness is useful in emptying our suppressed past. Jon Kabat Zinn (a mindfulness teacher) says that this suppressed past is like a 'little black bag' that trails behind us. Every time some hurt occurs we put it in the black bag (this is suppression). It is the same thing that people call 'baggage'. We ALL have baggage actually, and the process of emptying this bag is a lifetimes work. Mindfulness is an excellent way to safely start emptying the black bag, which in turn will help make our authenticity more refined.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) also helps us be more refined (and less prone to 'over-reactions') in relation to our new found authenticity. It can allow us to catch negative automatic thoughts and to challenge them. However this is just a technique on the road to recovery, later on it is rarely needed.
It has taken me many years to undo the programming known as 'conditions of worth' by Rogers. One form of programming is the label 'nice' that seems to be so common with depressed people. What's wrong with being nice I hear you cry? Nothing whatsoever. The only problem is when we are forcing ourselves to be nice or TRYING to be nice. Trying to be something we are not in a particular moment is false and therefore creates a suppression of a emotion (adding to the black bag!).
When we are totally authentic, when we are nice we are being nice, when we are angry we are being angry. Previously when we were being nice, we were often TRYING to be nice, but deep down we may have felt some other feelings, like mild resentment or mild annoyance. So in being nice and not saying anything we are suppressing these feelings. The question is where do they go!? Answer: the black bag. In this process you are creating yourself lots of heavy baggage (which is tiring to carry around - maybe this is why depression often makes people tired!?).
From a spiritual view point authenticity relates somewhat to Zen and non-duality. So any questions you have on those then please let me know. Another metaphor for becoming authentic is 'removing our masks' or 'peeling away the layers'. Some people talk of the 'true self'. Or of being in the flow (Daoism?). These are worth checking out if you have a spiritual bent. However be careful of getting drawn in to the irrelevant / distracting parts that some teachers or books add to these simple concepts. These merely take you away from your authentic nature.
As we become more authentic some people we know and even love might not like it. Maybe some people liked us being doormats! Maybe it was beneficial to them. So when we start asserting and meeting our own needs and don't do what they want (because we want to be 'nice') they don't like it. This is common during person-centred therapy to have some of our loved ones 'not like it'.
An epiphany I had recently is that the one working definition of the word 'nice' is: 'doing what everyone else wants you to do'. However this is only true if it isn't the authentic version of nice. i.e. if we are forcing ourselves to be nice then it is fake anyway, why delude yourself. Indeed 'politeness' is another cultural sham that creates depression. If you are authentic then sometimes people will perceive you as 'nice' or 'polite' and other times they will perceive you as 'rude' or 'bossy'. But who cares what they think! It is irrelevant. When we are authentic we naturally care for those we love more often than not, it is very natural, so we don't need to TRY and care. It is natural. In fact we can care more when we empty.
Another way of thinking of this problem is 'labels'. People often label themselves with a set of words, e.g. if I ask 'Who are you?' what is your answer? You might say "I am a teacher. A professional. A nice person. A caring person. Intelligent". These are just labels. Are you ALWAYS a teacher? Are you ALWAYS nice!? These labels are ridiculous in regards to our sense of who WE are. Labels are useful for conversation, but for our own perception of self they are damaging.
Answer: Us! (When we allow ourselves!)
I spontaneously picked Carl Roger's book 'On Becoming a Person' off my book shelf. It fell open on page 190/191. One paragraph particularly resonates with one of my last posts regarding authenticity, and the way in which it is auto-correcting.
Here is his message:
In this weighing, balancing, and computation, his organism would not by any means be infallible. It would always give the best possible answer for the available data, but sometimes data would be missing. Because of openness to experience, however, any errors, any following behaviour which was not satisfying, would be quickly corrected. The computations, as it were, would always be in process of being corrected, because they would be continually checked in behaviour.At first our authentic nature is likely to be rough around the edges (due to it being a new experience), and also due to the suppressed emotions and hurts of the past (our baggage). Rogers is right when he says that we will auto-correct ourselves within the process of authenticity. It takes a lot of faith to believe this. And our initial fumblings in this area may put us off (like me with the builders). However I know that this process really helps with my depression. I also have faith that over time I will become more refined as I auto-correct and also the authentic process will allow an emptying of the pressurised bottle that is my suppressed past.
I would recommend person-centred (also known as client-centred) therapy. However I'm not saying it's a panacea that cures all. It is just a fantastic form of therapy for learning to become authentic.
I also feel mindfulness is useful in emptying our suppressed past. Jon Kabat Zinn (a mindfulness teacher) says that this suppressed past is like a 'little black bag' that trails behind us. Every time some hurt occurs we put it in the black bag (this is suppression). It is the same thing that people call 'baggage'. We ALL have baggage actually, and the process of emptying this bag is a lifetimes work. Mindfulness is an excellent way to safely start emptying the black bag, which in turn will help make our authenticity more refined.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) also helps us be more refined (and less prone to 'over-reactions') in relation to our new found authenticity. It can allow us to catch negative automatic thoughts and to challenge them. However this is just a technique on the road to recovery, later on it is rarely needed.
It has taken me many years to undo the programming known as 'conditions of worth' by Rogers. One form of programming is the label 'nice' that seems to be so common with depressed people. What's wrong with being nice I hear you cry? Nothing whatsoever. The only problem is when we are forcing ourselves to be nice or TRYING to be nice. Trying to be something we are not in a particular moment is false and therefore creates a suppression of a emotion (adding to the black bag!).
When we are totally authentic, when we are nice we are being nice, when we are angry we are being angry. Previously when we were being nice, we were often TRYING to be nice, but deep down we may have felt some other feelings, like mild resentment or mild annoyance. So in being nice and not saying anything we are suppressing these feelings. The question is where do they go!? Answer: the black bag. In this process you are creating yourself lots of heavy baggage (which is tiring to carry around - maybe this is why depression often makes people tired!?).
From a spiritual view point authenticity relates somewhat to Zen and non-duality. So any questions you have on those then please let me know. Another metaphor for becoming authentic is 'removing our masks' or 'peeling away the layers'. Some people talk of the 'true self'. Or of being in the flow (Daoism?). These are worth checking out if you have a spiritual bent. However be careful of getting drawn in to the irrelevant / distracting parts that some teachers or books add to these simple concepts. These merely take you away from your authentic nature.
As we become more authentic some people we know and even love might not like it. Maybe some people liked us being doormats! Maybe it was beneficial to them. So when we start asserting and meeting our own needs and don't do what they want (because we want to be 'nice') they don't like it. This is common during person-centred therapy to have some of our loved ones 'not like it'.
An epiphany I had recently is that the one working definition of the word 'nice' is: 'doing what everyone else wants you to do'. However this is only true if it isn't the authentic version of nice. i.e. if we are forcing ourselves to be nice then it is fake anyway, why delude yourself. Indeed 'politeness' is another cultural sham that creates depression. If you are authentic then sometimes people will perceive you as 'nice' or 'polite' and other times they will perceive you as 'rude' or 'bossy'. But who cares what they think! It is irrelevant. When we are authentic we naturally care for those we love more often than not, it is very natural, so we don't need to TRY and care. It is natural. In fact we can care more when we empty.
Another way of thinking of this problem is 'labels'. People often label themselves with a set of words, e.g. if I ask 'Who are you?' what is your answer? You might say "I am a teacher. A professional. A nice person. A caring person. Intelligent". These are just labels. Are you ALWAYS a teacher? Are you ALWAYS nice!? These labels are ridiculous in regards to our sense of who WE are. Labels are useful for conversation, but for our own perception of self they are damaging.
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