Non-Duality and non-trying
I believe that non-duality is the same as being totally authentic.
When I had person-centred counselling several years ago, one topic the therapist kept talking about was the topic of learning to lose the false-self in order to find the true-self (i.e. to learn to be authentic).
The parallel to this in the spiritual world (mainly in the non-duality or Zen world) is to just 'be'. When I first heard this I thought "Well I AM my true-self already. How can I NOT be me!? I am just 'being' already". However deep down I sensed there still might be some truth in these ideas.
When someone suggests that we need to be authentic it can appear insulting. Being inauthentic is certainly an intended jibe that is heard occasionally in relation to someone being fake. However the state of being fake I am talking about in this article is when we are fake to ourselves.
Some people in the non-duality / spiritual world believe that there is no way to reach the state of oneness (total authenticity without effort). This is untrue however. These specific teachers perform intellectual word games with their followers. These teachers are often referred to as neo-advaita teachers.
The reality is that on the path to oneness or total authenticity, there are techniques and methods that can be used to remove the masks and delusions we hold onto.
Here are some methods:
1. Sitting Meditation - this can give us greater insight in to our deeper selves (e.g. our unconscious thoughts, and even greater awareness of our day to day selves).
2. Mindfulness - this has also been described as "intentional non-judgemental awareness of the present moment as it is" - this is useful for remembering that thoughts are not facts, it also can create some distance (or spaciousness) between 'us' and our thoughts. The most common reason for depression is rumination.
3. Meditating on 'Who Am I?' - the idea of this is to realise that we are not just a label such as 'teacher', 'daughter' or 'friend' or 'kind' etc. These labels don't describe the whole of us, and they are also self-limiting. i.e. the word teacher can describe ALL teachers good and bad, and it isn't a label specific to who you are! So we can learn to realise that labels are categorisations that can incase us within boxes (in essence they can box us in). There is nothing against labels as such, it's just when we get too attached to labels, or force ourselves to BE a particular label (e.g. when we try and be 'nice' all the time even when actually we need to be assertive at times).
4. Dropping labels - try dropping labels for a while. Stop labelling yourself as 'male' or 'female' or 'straight' or 'gay' or whatever! See 3.
5. Remove the masks that we wear - these can be labels or any persona that we try and project that really isn't the real 'us'. It can take years to go deeper and deeper in order to keep removing more and more masks. Sometimes we take off a mask and we think we've arrived at our actual true-self, only later to realise that it's just another mask.
6. Use anti-dote techniques on certain deeply ingrained labels - if you have been used to being 'nice' all the time (i.e. a doormat) then learn to be assertive. Also learn to be more aware of how certain requests make you feel. If you say yes to helping a work colleague move house, will this exhaust you? Would they help you move house? Do you REALLY want to help? Tuning in to our gut feelings can start giving us clues to our true selves. It can take years to undo the years of conditioning. So be forgiving and kind to yourself during the journey towards your true self. Sometimes you will be assertive and true, and at other times you will forget and drop back in to saying 'yes' to things you don't really want to do! Later on these techniques will not be needed as you will be assertive when you feel that is the right thing to do, and when you feel like being nice then that will be the right thing to do. In fact there is no need to try to use techniques later on. You will just DO the right thing, but really it is not 'doing' (or trying). It is more a sense of being, or acting without effort as your true self has become so easy to access.
7. Counselling / Psychotherapy - these allow you to empty past hurts. Past hurts can have an effect on our present. We might seemingly over-react to something because it pushes a button that is a past hurt. Counselling can help us 'empty'.
These are just tips to learn to be more authentic. It is a slow and gradual process. It takes a lot of honesty, bravery and trust to become our true selves 24/7. It also requires a lot of work on ourselves. Eventually we arrive at a state of effortlessness where we are being authentic but without trying. We are not trying to be nice, or to do a good job. We just naturally do what is right in any moment. We naturally flow with life, ourselves and other people in a natural way. It is similar to pushing hands in tai-chi.
When I had person-centred counselling several years ago, one topic the therapist kept talking about was the topic of learning to lose the false-self in order to find the true-self (i.e. to learn to be authentic).
The parallel to this in the spiritual world (mainly in the non-duality or Zen world) is to just 'be'. When I first heard this I thought "Well I AM my true-self already. How can I NOT be me!? I am just 'being' already". However deep down I sensed there still might be some truth in these ideas.
When someone suggests that we need to be authentic it can appear insulting. Being inauthentic is certainly an intended jibe that is heard occasionally in relation to someone being fake. However the state of being fake I am talking about in this article is when we are fake to ourselves.
Some people in the non-duality / spiritual world believe that there is no way to reach the state of oneness (total authenticity without effort). This is untrue however. These specific teachers perform intellectual word games with their followers. These teachers are often referred to as neo-advaita teachers.
The reality is that on the path to oneness or total authenticity, there are techniques and methods that can be used to remove the masks and delusions we hold onto.
Here are some methods:
1. Sitting Meditation - this can give us greater insight in to our deeper selves (e.g. our unconscious thoughts, and even greater awareness of our day to day selves).
2. Mindfulness - this has also been described as "intentional non-judgemental awareness of the present moment as it is" - this is useful for remembering that thoughts are not facts, it also can create some distance (or spaciousness) between 'us' and our thoughts. The most common reason for depression is rumination.
3. Meditating on 'Who Am I?' - the idea of this is to realise that we are not just a label such as 'teacher', 'daughter' or 'friend' or 'kind' etc. These labels don't describe the whole of us, and they are also self-limiting. i.e. the word teacher can describe ALL teachers good and bad, and it isn't a label specific to who you are! So we can learn to realise that labels are categorisations that can incase us within boxes (in essence they can box us in). There is nothing against labels as such, it's just when we get too attached to labels, or force ourselves to BE a particular label (e.g. when we try and be 'nice' all the time even when actually we need to be assertive at times).
4. Dropping labels - try dropping labels for a while. Stop labelling yourself as 'male' or 'female' or 'straight' or 'gay' or whatever! See 3.
5. Remove the masks that we wear - these can be labels or any persona that we try and project that really isn't the real 'us'. It can take years to go deeper and deeper in order to keep removing more and more masks. Sometimes we take off a mask and we think we've arrived at our actual true-self, only later to realise that it's just another mask.
6. Use anti-dote techniques on certain deeply ingrained labels - if you have been used to being 'nice' all the time (i.e. a doormat) then learn to be assertive. Also learn to be more aware of how certain requests make you feel. If you say yes to helping a work colleague move house, will this exhaust you? Would they help you move house? Do you REALLY want to help? Tuning in to our gut feelings can start giving us clues to our true selves. It can take years to undo the years of conditioning. So be forgiving and kind to yourself during the journey towards your true self. Sometimes you will be assertive and true, and at other times you will forget and drop back in to saying 'yes' to things you don't really want to do! Later on these techniques will not be needed as you will be assertive when you feel that is the right thing to do, and when you feel like being nice then that will be the right thing to do. In fact there is no need to try to use techniques later on. You will just DO the right thing, but really it is not 'doing' (or trying). It is more a sense of being, or acting without effort as your true self has become so easy to access.
7. Counselling / Psychotherapy - these allow you to empty past hurts. Past hurts can have an effect on our present. We might seemingly over-react to something because it pushes a button that is a past hurt. Counselling can help us 'empty'.
These are just tips to learn to be more authentic. It is a slow and gradual process. It takes a lot of honesty, bravery and trust to become our true selves 24/7. It also requires a lot of work on ourselves. Eventually we arrive at a state of effortlessness where we are being authentic but without trying. We are not trying to be nice, or to do a good job. We just naturally do what is right in any moment. We naturally flow with life, ourselves and other people in a natural way. It is similar to pushing hands in tai-chi.
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